There is a plan afoot to rename Edmonton's twelve wards, I'm concerned about this because I don't think using Aboriginal names are really going to address the ongoing issues each ward represents and I most certainly do not want anyone thinking any of the aboriginal people who lived here first are responsible for the mess.
We live in a time of citizens cutting grass in public places, of randomly placed pylons disrupting traffic and priorities that nobody but the elected officials comprehend. If there is truth in politics, a statement I highly doubt, then I will put forward my choice of names for the new wards, because nobody who works on any city committee can be happy with something as simple as a number.
Changing names will require new letterhead, business cards and signage all of which are good for the economy.
12 wards, which start out clockwise then veer off as only a drunken committee could think effective is bad enough, it's almost as though the planners were trying to confuse the public but we all now the real reason was to ensure they would continue to get paid to rework the boundaries.
Anyway the names and the rationale:
Ward One: PortaPotty Yellowhead speed trap.
In recognition of the gagging smell from the compost plant and the permanently parked photo radar trucks.
Ward Two: Paved sloughs, big churches and endless municipal wasteland
Since this area is all about paving sloughs to build distribution centers and big churches, lets just call a spade a spade, this is home to most of the vacant land in Edmonton that people continue to prove they don't want to live on, unless they are in a tent
Ward Three: College Woods having neither
This one has a big sign for the new College Woods subdivision which has neither a college nor woods, all it really has is a bunch of McMansions up against the Henday with the inevitable call for a sound berm. It is also home to the worlds dumbest looking police station.
Ward Four: Tornado Alley
Attracting all the recent tornadoes this ward should reflect the City's neglect in making sure residents of the area actually have passable roads to drive home on instead of the debris strewn byways they currently navigate.
Ward five: Loud voices
The home of NIMBY, this ward is best recognized for it's history of shaking off all industrial development and complaining about congestion on the Henday, not to mention scaring away power lines.
Ward Six; Katz/ Mandell
Named after two people who with joined hands managed to build some of the ugliest buildings on the planet and then actually expected gamblers to pay for parking. Since this ward is also home to some of Edmonton's most expensive homes you'd think the city could cut the grass in the parks and give the folks who pay ten grand a year some sort of services.
Ward Seven: Middle earth
This ward best represents the strong history of pre and post settlement in Edmonton. It's home to all and all are welcome, except of course the City bought and bulldozed everything interesting to build a very stupid looking bus depot with dents in it that turned out to be too small for the current buses to get in. This latter little known fact was discovered by accident, literally.
Ward Eight: Oh that smell
Thanks to the waste water treatment plant, you know you are here as soon as you arrive.
Ward Nine: We don't have enough
Say what you want, folks who live here woke up one day and realized they don't have any schools, parks or recreation facilities which bodes the question: why'd you buy?
Ward Ten: Bastion of higher learning
All the really serious academic brouhaha is located in this ward, hence the need for vegan crosswalks and 33' wide bike lanes, cars are viewed as evil, except for Uber and Harley Davidson motorcycles which is viewed as essential.
Ward Eleven: DIY land
Many of the houses in this ward were owner build and only randomly inspected during construction, it is a veritable birthday for basement waterproofing contractors
Ward Twelve: Go Away
Still pissed at ward 5 (loud voices) for sticking them with the power line, this ward just wants to go away. They are thinking of seceding to Sherwood Park or Beaumont where the roads are smooth and the grass is actually cut.
